Inconsistent with gender dualism makes public toilets my enemy

Since I was a child, the lack of gender duality has made public toilets a fragile space for me.

I cut short hair for the first time — I cut a mushroom head proudly — when I was seven years old. At that time, I always dressed neatly and prepared to play basketball. The adults in my life describe my childhood aesthetic as a “tomboy”. Since then, my life has been flooded with people making assumptions about me based on my appearance and how they perceive my gender.

Every time I have to choose between men’s or women’s toilets, I fall into a situation of compromise. For most of my life, I used the women’s toilet by default.When I was young, I was often told, “This is Girls Room,” or ask, “where is your mother? ”

I was tired of having to defend myself, and I reluctantly grew my long hair so that I would be considered a girl. I have never felt so false. It’s as if I am living for everyone except myself.

It’s weird to see how people treat me differently based on my gender. The only advantage is that I will no longer be harassed in public restrooms.

A few years ago, when I came out as a transgender and non-dualistic person, the harassment I experienced in the women’s bathroom surfaced again. In the past 20 years, society has not changed much in this regard.

I heard someone gasping when they saw me in the bathroom. I let people stare at the locker room of the gym. The worst moment was two years ago, when I walked into the women’s bathroom of a restaurant, I was immediately pushed by someone and said, “You don’t belong here.”

All my experience of being under gender supervision in the bathroom made me feel that I was a problem or a threat. I can see how wrong this is now. There is a terrible assumption that transgender people are deviant or dangerous, but this is not the case; many of us are victims of cisgender attacks who believe in these false statements. I never ask people to leave the bathroom, question their affiliation, or put my hands on them.

Since I was pushed to the restroom of that restaurant, I have taken extra precautions. When I go to the bathroom, I almost always take a friend with me. Although I am grateful to support friends who care about my safety, I can’t help but hope that I don’t need an escort every time I need to urinate.

I like the autonomy of going to the bathroom by myself without worrying about being harassed or beaten. Therefore, with the relaxation of epidemic restrictions and the opening of places, I decided not to go to any place without neutral toilets. If any business wants to hang a flag of pride, or they care about transgender, non-binary, and gender-non-compliant communities, they better make sure they have gender-neutral bathrooms.

Possible solution

Places can be adjusted in several ways. A good start is to remove any gender signs and replace them with a sign that simply says “Toilet”.

Another way is to post a picture to let people know what’s inside, whether it’s a toilet, a urinal or a baby changing station. These small changes will have an impact and there is no need to completely renovate the existing bathroom.

Having floor-to-ceiling doors and partitions provides people with privacy and protects them when they are most vulnerable.

Everyone should wash their hands. There is no reason why we cannot wash our hands next to someone of another gender.

Please do not post signs or stickers with mermaids, vampires, bigfoot or other creatures to show the inclusiveness of the bathroom. Transgender people are humans—not mythological creatures—we deserve the dignity of a safe public bathroom.

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