Men’s lack of participation affects the future family-Twin Cities
Dear Abby: My stepdaughter has been engaged to an outstanding young man who has been with him for more than three years. We welcome him as a member of our family and are happy to make him a son-in-law. However, due to his extreme anxiety (as my stepdaughter explained), he barely said a word whenever we saw him.
During the years of their dating/engagement, he only had a family holiday with us, and the conversation was painful to say the least. We invite him to many family gatherings (big and small), but he seems to have reasons not to attend every gathering.
I really want to know him better and make him feel welcome, comfortable and loved as part of our family, but his silence, lack of eye contact, and his obvious desire to avoid us make it very difficult. . Any suggestions? — The mother-in-law who challenges the future
Dear future MIL: You should have a serious talk with your stepdaughter. Do you ask her if she knows the reason for the poor social skills of her fiancé? Is he the same to everyone, or is he the same to you and your husband? Is he on the autism spectrum, or is he scared because you are trying to make him feel “comfortable and loved”? His extreme introversion may be a red flag because if she marries him, it may have a negative impact on her.
Dear ABBY: How can I talk about the thermostat with my roommate without looking like a “parent” or a control freak? In warmer months, I prefer to set the thermostat between 77 and 78, but every time I walk out, they will set the A/C to 72 or 73. This makes the house feel like you can hang meat here. The point is, the outside is 80 degrees. I don’t think the unit even needs to be opened. I am not only worried about electricity bills, but also frozen in my own home wearing my pants. I know this will become a problem because we expect that the temperature will remain in the 90s for a few weeks, and the cost of electricity will rise with the increase in heat. I’m tired of playing games that regulate the temperature without talking. Suggest? – The temperature rises
Dear TR: Stop messing around and start an adult discussion with your roommate. If possible, a compromise should be reached. Whose name is on the lease? Is it yours or both of you? Is the cost of heating and cooling devices equally shared? If a compromise cannot be reached, the two of you may not be compatible, and one of you will need to make other living arrangements.
Dear Abby: About a year ago, a friend I knew from high school became a transgender woman. I am very happy to see her living as her true self, and I want to support her as much as I can. I am one of those old-fashioned people who still have photo albums, and have a fair amount of her pictures, before the transition. Obviously, these photos are marked with her “dead” name. Should I flip through the album and change the label to replace her previous name with her new name? — Good friends from Illinois
Dear friends: Transgender people have strong feelings for anonymity, and many people oppose this practice. This is the subject you should discuss with your friend and follow her preferences.