Not my English name, this is the name my colleagues and friends keep calling me, even if it does not appear on my driving license or passport.

My legal name. My Korean name.My truth Name-the name my grandfather gave me when he was born.

Huang Ziise

Spell it in English as Hwang Ki Sun, or if you change your surname, Ki Sun Hwang, which is the first structure of surnames in many Asian cultures. It is pronounced “Gkee Suhn”-the name is like a mixture between “Guy” (French name) and “key”.

This means always shining brilliantly on this earth.

Ironically, for most of my life, my name was something I wanted to hide.

I remember being scared on the first day of school when I had to explain to my new teacher that I had an “English name” and they could call me “please and thank you”.

This is the worst situation when I have a substitute teacher.

“Kee? Kye? Kai… soon?” My classmates would giggle, looking around frantically, looking for mysterious companions they had never had before.

Mortgage, I will raise my hand and correct them immediately.

“You can call me Priscilla.”

Where does Priscilla even come from?

When I grew up, I remember asking my parents why they named me Priscilla when I already had a Korean name.

My mother told me that when we immigrated to Canada (I was three years old), someone suggested to call me Priscilla, just like the woman in the Bible. (I soon learned that this place is often referred to as Elvis Presley’s wife.)

My mother, Joung Suk Hwang, told me on the phone: “When you are about to go to school, people say you need an English name. So I asked the pastor for help and give you a good name based on faith.” When I called She wrote this song in Korean.

She said: “I thought we had to give you an English name. Looking back now, we really didn’t need to do this.”

“If you say’Ki Sun’ to someone here, it will be difficult for them to pronounce.”

This made me a little sad, telling my mother that I was relieved of being released as Priscilla, and that I was ashamed of my Korean name when I grew up.

This is not the first time she has heard that I feel embarrassed about being a Korean.

Sometimes, I go home and cry and get angry because my mother packed my meal (supplement), which can best be described as Korean sushi rolls. My classmates teased me, I ate it during the break between classes, tears shed down my face with the teacher.

“I’ve never [embarrassed of your name],” my mother responded. “Because the name Ki Sun represents our nationality… pride. We are Canadians, but we are also Canadians. “

Watch | Choose the option to retrieve my Korean name:

Priscilla Hwang of CBC has a complicated relationship with her Korean name Ki Ki. She talked about her choice to take it back and what that choice meant to her. 1:45

My time in the north

The first time I really had trouble facing my name was in Yellowknife.

I reported on the journey of some people recovering their traditional indigenous names.

“Our ancestors, they were born that way-so why can’t we be born under those names?” Dennis Basil tell me In 2018. A few years ago, he legally changed his name from Jacob.

He said: “This is our birthright.” “In a sense, it helped me find myself.”

“[Pingo] Not our grandparents [or] …The names of our great-grandparents. This is just what the government gives to our people,” Anna Pingo tell meAfter discovering that her surname should be Pinersugerook or Pingasugruk, she thought its spelling was the closest to the Inuvialuktun alphabet.

“I want to wake up [my culture] And said that this is us. “

After get off work, my mind was gone. I started to reflect on my name for the first time.

Why should I hide so much? Am I not proud of my language or culture? Why should I comply with the “Canadian Code”? How did I become this way?

The people I met in the north are working hard to recapture their traditional names. At the same time, until then, I have been seriously considering changing my law legally to my English name. I began to think about why my name and what my name meant to me.

My name is beautiful

I grew up Canadian and I hate to feel less or different because of my skin color, food, culture, manners and mother tongue. Racist incidents and micro-aggressions prevented me from hiding the only “Asian” part of myself: my name.

To me, Sun Qi symbolizes the difference between me and everyone else. On the other hand, I told myself that Priscilla was accepted a bit here.

But these are all lies.

“Mom, what is your name, I don’t think it matters. Because it is you. You. Sun Qi and Priscilla are you.” My mother said with a smile.

“It’s ok!”

That’s right

It is not easy to turn on the switch and clear the decades-old luggage on my name.

However, because of those who showed me the power to regain my identity and culture, I became more and more courageous and identified myself as KiSun.

It started very small and is still a process and daily choice: last year, I added my name to my personal social media account.

I tried not to correct people who call me by my legal name, such as bank tellers and CRA agents.

I am sharing my name and story with more people. Today, I added it to my signature.

My name is beautiful. In fact, both of my names are.

Together, they represented my journey as a Canadian Korean and struggled with her identity.

It took 30 years, but I can finally say that I am proud of ???.

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